Dear Sirs:

Whilst we do understand, dear MOONY, that your fantasies of the undoubtedly cute MSSR. BILLY BOYD have you twitching on the floor like a teenage girl discovering her first orgasm, we must admit, the "bad blood" of which you speak come only from the desperation caused by lack of posts, and the depression of the neglected. I, LILY am solely responsible for the insults of which you speak.

I do apologize to all whom I have thrashed over these past months, but as they say lonliness leads to madness, and I can assure you all that I have gone mad. But do not, I pray you, do not accept this as an actual apology. We all know that my tendencies for retribution do not stretch very far and you will recieve no appologies from me. However, what you will recieve now is a new and exciting list of damnations, courtesy of LILY-the black sheep amongst the marauders.

DDDAAAMMMNNNAAATTTIIIOOONNN!!!

 May you all boil in hobbit butter until your skin falls from the meat on your bones.

 May the badgers come and eat the fallen skin from the meat on your bones.

 May the skin grow back in a grotesque and utterly scarred fashion.

and the man from above you yells-* IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN!*

May the skin grow smooth and golden.

May you then be hit over the head with each other's bodies until death befalls you.

May your skin be peeled off by the man above you and sewn together to make a nice marauder's suit.

And the bodies left behind shall be tossed in a burlap sack and given to the oompa loompas in the chocolate factory as chicken.

The "chicken" shall be boiled and the bones crushed into flour and the teeth kept as relics, for who in all the world has seen chicken teeth?

And all was good, the end.

^^^^^As I said before dear sirs: do not take this to be an apology, for your hour of reckoning has come. You have the opportunity to become once again involved, and you chose to ignore that opportunity. Thus, I was created to smite you with badgers, and drink your blood as tea. AMEN.

LILY

Dear Sirs,

It has come to my attention that in my absence, the other Marauders have turned against dear Padfoot and myself, and are currently planning our untimely and horrific collective demise.  I was not aware of the apparent bad blood and seething hatred writhing just under the surface of our most esteemed and honorable group, and apologize for not realizing sooner than things had gone a bit awry. 

I have, in fact, been quite involved with fantasies of dearest Billy Boyd and his compatriots, and have been too busy twitching on the floor in ecstacy to type a reply to your acerbic comments.  Again, I apologize.

However, under the circumstances, it is most improper to have offended me thus.  And so I have but one thing to say to your treachery:

Gentlemen, you are a collection of assholes.  May pie never again be available for your consumption, and a plague o' both your trousers. 

If you would like to attest this blatant truth that you are, indeed, merely artifacts in said collection of assholes, please stop by my house for a cup of tea and a good English row.  Good day to you, sirs.

- moony

Dear Sirs:

um, harsh wormie.  but funnie at the same time.  AAAAHHhH, I have a coconspirator. YAY I should have thought of that.  But even as my coconspirator, I must condemn you to something as well.

1.  All of you navels shall be hooked together with wire.

2. Electricity shall flow through those wires.

3. Beavers shall bite off your nipples.

4. Your hair shall be shaved off, and you will be branded with the letter "L". (for property of LILY)

Thank you for your time.

LILY

Dear sirs in general and Mer Padfoot in particular.

None of you are above my wrath.  I damn each of you to the following.  each of you will arrive in hell in a small rusty bucket, filled with tacks.  each of you will be wearing nothing but nylons.  enjoy.  once arriving in hell, mer paddy, you will arrive in a room filled with britney spears/filter/boyband/and a naked dominic monahan on top of christina aguilera. memorabilia (dom is not memorabilia) and have your eyelids removed, you will then submit to hearing the soundtrack to every movie you hate played repeatedly, additionally you are a vaginal discharge. 

i feel no guilt for condemning you to this as you are above the torments i receive. 

thank you for your time

~wormtail.

Dear Sirs:

I find your lack of monkeycheese disturbing:

You shall have no navel flint for all eternity:

I have your navel flint, if you want it back you must pay me..........**little finger to mouth** ten dollars!!!

bye